Serial Killer

 As I've been preparing firewood for bonfire night (and my subsequent experiments with cooking on a chiminea) I wanted to use an axe. I have an axe which came from my parents' house, but it was rather blunt so I looked up how to sharpen it on Youtube. What I have found out is that a good quality axe should be just softer than a good quality file, and you can do most of the sharpening with a file. I have also had to accept that my 10" bastard file, given to me on my 30th birthday (mainly because it has "BASTARD" stamped into it) is rather worn out and needs to be replaced.

My axe is now as sharp as a razor, youtube thinks that all I'm interested in is axes and knives, and I have a new file that just says "1" on it.

Richard "can I turn the old file into a knife?" B

Wee Timorous Beastie

 When I was a child it was completely normal on November 5th to go to a friend's house, or to have friends over and stand around a large fire with an effigy on top. (it was a different time, it also seemed normal that there were unattended coin operated machines that would dispense 2 pints of paraffin into whatever container you pointed the nozzle). Children's tv at the time would tell you to check for hedgehogs in the bonfire before you lit it because they would often think that the unlit fire would make an excellent nest for the winter.

This year I had friends over and we lit the biggest fire we could manage (rather small) in a chiminea. The chiminea is quite small, and the grate doesn't fit well so it will sometimes spit out burning sticks and embers, but I did supercharge it with a hairdryer and a length of exhaust pipe.

Anyway in preparation for bonfire night I sawed the firewood that I had harvested from my hedge into suitable lengths. Under the log pile there was an excellent collection of dry leaves and twigs which I thought I would use as kindling for the fire. I scooped it all up into a bucket and discovered that it also contained a hedgehog. I put it all back where it was and I hope that I haven't scared the hedgehog away.

Richard "On Turning Her Up In Her Nest With The Plough" B

Analysis

 Some bits of faultfinding require obscure, expensive or cumbersome equipment. When I had faulty audio equipment I pretty much always had to get the oscilloscope and the signal generator out of the loft. Many times I've wanted an OBD reader for cars, or an exhaust gas analyser, or a rolling road. Or the tuning software for my ECU. I have found myself wanting for various gauges, stroboscopes, microscopes, boroscopes, pressure vessels, vacuum chambers, smoke generators, …

In contrast I LOVED the equipment needed to find where a washing machine is leaking. You can put a sheet of cardboard under it to witness where it drips. You can close a sheet of kitchen roll in the soap drawer or the door to see if it's dry, and you can wrap kitchen roll around any hose, pump, or fitting to see if it gets wet.

While I did find the leak in my washing machine (small crack in the tub) I was unable to fix it and still ended up buying a new one.

Richard "waste of time" B

Chaise Longue

 During my trip to Norfolk I managed to collect several of the things that can make you feel light headed, by accident. On the day that I helped my brother in the woods I didn't have a proper lunch (low blood sugar). While he was waving a chainsaw around as effortlessly as a conductor's baton I didn't want to admit what a wimp I was so I worked myself hard with the hedge trimmer (Exhaustion) and built up a proper sweat (Dehydration). We hadn't taken any water with us, and when he bought me a pint (Diuretic, Vasodilator) to say thankyou I forgot to drink any water. We got home filthy and tired so I relaxed in a hot bath (Vasodilator). When I stood up (Postural Hypotension) I very nearly fainted. I ended up feeling thoroughly unwell, crawling on the bathroom floor with tunnel vision and ringing ears.

Thankfully there was a fainting couch just a few steps outside the bathroom door. I relaxed there while they brought me ghetto isotonic drinks and I made a full recover before tea was served.

Richard "got to catch 'em all" B

Titan Submarine

 A few weeks ago I was discussing the loss of the OceanGate Titan tourist submarine with my brothers, one of whom is a skilled mechanical engineer. Apparently everybody expected it to collapse because a cylinder with domed ends on it is a really bad shape to put under pressure. I still find it rather had to believe, but as a species we only know how much pressure you can put on a cylinder if it's perfect. As soon as it goes slightly out of round it's much much weaker, but we can't really calculate how weak.

To demonstrate this effect to me they devised this beautiful practical demonstration. The beer can can hold my weight while it's intact. They then introduced the tiniest imperfection (by prodding it gently with a cotton bud) and it collapses catastrophically.

https://youtu.be/SCj_wf7J89U

My least favourite thing about the loss of the Titan - apart from the loss of life - is the system of acoustic sensors and strain gauges supposed to keep it safe. Everybody was a naysayer and didn't believe they would work. They naysayers were kind-of right, in that the submarine collapsed and killed everybody inside, however, they did pick up a loud click (probably a delamination) on dive 80, and the strain gauges did show that the performance of the hull was degraded after the click. If only they'd known how to analyse the data.

Richard "I went to school with Euler Buckling" B

N.R.T.E

 Norfolk Residential Teambuilding Experience [1]

All inclusive luxury accommodation at a 400 year old thatched Norfolk cottage. (Free Parking)

Arrival

• Check-In
• Welcome Package
• Spa Facilities (attended) [2]
• Evening Meal
• Open Bar [3].

Day 1

• Circuit Driving Experience (refreshments available)[4]
• Evening meal at historic Norfolk Inn.
• Ale Tasting[5]

Day 2

• Continental Breakfast[6] (includes all you can drink barrista coffee[7])
• Guided Nature Reserve Walk (includes exclusive meeting with the landowner and philanthropist)
• Tour of Historic Central Norwich Cemetery (includes opportunity to volunteer at cemetery upkeep)[8]
• Lunch at Historic Coaching Inn
• Vehicle Maintenance Challenge (you will be paired with a suitable partner, there is no instructor for this exercise)[9]
• English Pub Games (refreshments available)[10]
• Period Themed Snacks[11]
• Open Bar

Day 3

• Continental Breakfast (includes all you can drink barrista coffee)
• Haute Cuisine Cookery Tuition (in well appointed kitchen using wood fired range)[12]
• Knife Grinding and Sharpening Workshop[13]
• Relaxation Period (in modern oak garden room)[14]
• Forestry Management and Firewood Production Lesson (hands on)[15]
• Off-Road Driving Experience[16]
• Spa Facilities (attended)
• Haute Cuisine Cookery Tasting[17]
• Open Bar

Dear Sir. I recently attended your Norfolk Residential Teambuilding Experience. I very much enjoyed it, I would like you to extend my thanks to everyone involved, and I believe it represents excellent value for money.

HOWEVER

There are some points which I feel fell below what could have been expected from the experience:

Free Parking: While my allocated space was close to the cottage, it was accessed along a lane which was clearly marked as "Road Closed" and then up a steep and narrow driveway made of slippery wet gravel. I also feel that my car was not as safe as it could have been as the organisers were moving several other vehicles around in the same car park.[18]

Circuit Driving Experience: I enjoyed the day, but I thought that the preponderance of vehicle maintenance tasks and safety checks detracted from the driving experience. I was also unimpressed with the organisation of crash helmets and intercoms. One of my fellow attendees had a crash helmet with an intercom, I had a crash helmet and an intercom but the two were incompatible and I had to remove my intercom because my helmet wasn't suitable for the other attendee. Then there was a third intercom system for the instructors which was incompatible with the first two.

English Pub Games: The rules seemed to be poorly explained, and while I bonded with my partner during the doubles pool, the session seemed more competitive and divisive than team-building

Forestry Management and Firewood Production Lesson: I don't think that the brochure made clear how tiring this lesson would be, or gave any minimum standards for the physical fitness of the participants[19]. There was no water available at the site, and I feel that the PPE provided was wholly inadequate[20].

Off-Road Driving Experience: I think that the instructor assumed too much knowledge of the vehicle involved on the part of the guests.[21]

Breakfast: The continental breakfasts really consisted of toast and a selection of jams and preserves. This seems bizarre when you discover that they are served in the same well appointed kitchen that is used for the cookery lessons.

And this gets to the crux of my complaint. While the individual activities were generally excellent, taken as a whole the course is incoherent and disjointed. We did the vehicle maintenance challenge a day AFTER we did the circuit driving experience, yet there was a heavy emphasis on vehicle maintenance during what should have been a driving experience. On day 3 we had a breakfast of toast, literally minutes before we started cooking hot food. We used sharp knives during the cookery tuition, but were then shown how to sharpen them AFTER having used them. Surely you can see that there would have been a narrative through line to the day if we'd gathered the wood and sharpened the knives BEFORE we started using them for cooking, and that the tasting should have come straight after the cookery tuition.

There was very poor coordination between the attendees which seems weird for a team building event. I felt that I started to develop a bond with my fellow attendee at the circuit driving experience, but his itinerary precluded him from attending the evening meal at historic Norfolk inn and the ale tasting. He was staying in a separate cottage and we met him again for English pub games, but he seemed not to even have been invited on the nature reserve walk even though I understand it was very close to his accommodation.

Best Wishes,

Richard "Fussy Git" B

1. I went and stayed with my brother for a few days
2. I absolutely took the piss using all his hot water to take long hot deep baths
3. and tried to drink his fridge and his wine-rack dry
4. we went to Snetterton to shakedown and test my sports car's newly rebuilt engine
5. we had to try a couple of beers at the pub before we found one in good condition
6. toast
7. I've been shown how to use his bean-to-cup coffee machine
8. we tidied up the family plot at the cemetery
9. between us we pretty much sorted out the tracking on his worn out Toyota Hilux.
10. games of pool at the pub
11. toasted sandwiches made in a genuine 1970 Breville sandwich toaster
12. I helped him cook a really good curry and stew
13. I wanted to piss about with a wetstone and a strop on one of his knives
14. coffee, fags, and chatting
15. I helped him clear the lane into his woods
16. and I had to drive the Hilux up it
17. we ate the curry
18. my sister in law forgot my car was there and nearly reversed in to it
19. I wasn't up to the job. I got tired and dehydrated, then drank a couple of pints of beer, and then nearly fainted when I got out of a bath.
20. I got thorns through my gloves, thorns through my trousers, thorns in my bootlaces and nettles up my arms.
21. I didn't understand the transfer box on the Hilux