Monmouthshire

file under: Embarrassing social situations

A couple of weeks ago I was on a family holiday in Falmouth. We saw a ridiculously pretentious and sesquipedalian menu and in parody/tribute we came up with a dish called "A traditional Cornish medley of steak and root vegetables served en croute". I was so pleased with that description that I texted it to a friend of mine who is a pasty enthusiast and who dislikes showy menus.

She instantly texted back this enigmatic reply: "Monmouthshire!"

Fifteen minutes later, when she'd stopped giggling, she explained that autocorrect had rather mangled the sentiment "Mmmmm!"

In other news I hurt a pretty young woman. I rolled a heavy case of cables over her toes. I feel terrible and I apologised profusely, but in my defence – who the fuck wears flip-flops to a rock show?

Richard "Monmouthshire, Herefordshire, Mornington Crescent" B